Every morning

Dear Abbu

I wake up every morning with you as my first thought. Another day knowing you are gone.

I also wake up to amazing text messages about you, highlighting how you touched people’s lives and how they miss you. People saying you were more to them than their own fathers. Mashallah – what a gem has been taken away.

It’s okay abbu, I am not sad. I know you are in a better place – but as I prep to go home – your home – I have a bit of fear. Fear of breaking down there. Sitting on your green lazy boy that was your bed for the past year and a half, where I left you last and feeling like I am in your lap. Will I smell your essence there?

I know that I will go to see you in that land where your body rests. I will stand beside it and my eyes will turn to the sky as they keep doing daily, looking for you there instead. Graveyards are no place for crying and I know it will hurt your soul so I wont cry..InshaAllah.

Abbu, I always had my eyes on your books. Can I take them? I can’t ever be as learned as you but can I please try to get a few steps closer? Kamran will laugh..He knows I don’t have it in me to read such heavy text, things you read like a bedtime story. But he will read them I am sure and then he will have those discussions with his kids and others. He already copies your mannerisms in many ways so he can be a better father and husband. You gave me that gift as well. Thank you.

Until next time…Lots of love