Change

Your chair is gone Abbu. We decided to change its cover so that it would not impact us as much..And guess what? Ammi ended up choosing the same green cover..She just couldn’t part with the green you loved and sat on.

As always, I need all sorts of things here before I can leave. Lots of official paperwork that only you knew how to get done. I ran around in 43 degrees heat today with Ali, from one official building to another, knowing that you got things done by running around in the heat and requesting from these Saudis who seem to never have the answer in one shot. But I didn’t get anything done. I am not stressed though. If I don’t get to go back home in time, I will get to be here with you longer.

I wish I could ask you to pray for Ammi. She is miserable. Sara sent us a folder of videos and photographs of you and it was really hard. I think I have decided in my mind that photographs are useless. They are a reminder of the past and do not let us move forward. They bring emotions that we can try to deal with over time, if photographs – and videos as well – don’t hold us down.

This country has changed. Some for the good but I see a bleak horizon for believers. I hope I am wrong. The loud music in Emaar keeps us all up at night. Just before the Fajr prayer does the music in the restaurants stop. You witnessed that Abbu, I wonder how you felt about it? We all had a very sheltered life. Saudi Arabia was a love/ hate relationship for many but for us it was only love. We didn’t mind the strictness and even though we had a list that should’ve changed, the list was not long. But now that things are changing, they are not looking like its in favor of those that loved this place for what it was – The place that carries the 2 holy cities.

Abbu, its wrong to not want to go to Makkah right? I mean, the wall around the Kaaba seems to be permanent. No one can go near it. And this whole mask business! I will die of suffocation if I have to wear it during Umrah. Yet you get fined over 10k for taking it off for even a minute. I never wanted to be a pessimist Abbu but this world is really preparing for something else now. You are so lucky you are gone.

Tomorrow is Friday. I’ll inshallah visit you but if I don’t I will certainly send you some gifts. You can ask the angels. They will tell you I am sending you salaams, quran, and maybe other things – inshallah.

Ammi called you an Angel today. You’d have been so amused.

I love you Abbu. Nothing can ever change that.