The first thing I do when I swing my legs from my bed in the morning is look out the window facing me and glance at the sky, and hence the first thoughts are of my father : Every . Single . Morning.
When I had woken up for fajr, on July 10th 2021, I had done the same thing, swung my legs off to go pray but instinctively picked up the phone to see if any news had come about his condition – only to get 2 text messages from my cousins of condolences. That is how I found out and I had looked up at the sky, as if he had just been sent there and might come to say goodbye.
My association of that window and the sky that I can see from there is of Abbu. Everytime.
When we are young, we are building memories that stay with us. Those that tingle our senses and cause some emotional response are the ones we end up remembering. You could be walking into a store as an adult and the perfume of the person in front of you could trigger a memory of an event – good or bad – from long ago.
A child goes to the zoo with his parents. They buy some mini doughnuts freshly frying in a mini cart. While he eats this sugary treat and inhales the smell, he pets the trunk of the elephant. His neurons fire up with so many senses of smell, touch, sound and his feelings of joy get embedded into his mind. As an adult when he happens to walk by a carnival and smells similar doughnuts, it brings back the same feelings of joy and he may think of an elephant and how its trunk felt. He may then long for those wonderful days of childhood.
As parents, it’s important to be mindful of how our children are associating with knowledge / school, or with Islam. How they are also associating with their parents and family life. Often we see adults leave home as soon as they can and only by way of duty do they visit their family. We don’t realize that the memories made in that house were not worth reliving for this person and hence the disassociation by choice. Whereas there are adults who loved their childhood and stay connected to their siblings and parents, often reminiscing over the good ol’ days, becoming the envy of others who craved this bond.
If we can just understand the way our mind works and how each word we say, each reaction we give, every memory we build for ourselves and our families has an impact, then we could attempt to create those positive memories and positive healthy individuals who would be an asset to this world.
Is there a way to overcome the grief some memories caused or a way to become positive again? Yes, there is always a way. Therapy, effort and constant duas with attachment to Allah are a big help. Consciously living a positive life, giving to others and being the reason for someone’s happiness will bring happiness in return. Forgiving those that caused unhappiness or harm, realizing they may not have done it intentionally helps with the healing process.
Happy building good memories for yourself and others!
The Saudi Expat 