I have learnt to question things from my father. I have learnt to think from all angles from him as well. Sometimes though this can be a daunting task, one that leads to a person standing alone.
Growing up I only focused on being Muslim. A person living in Saudi Arabia, focused on prayer, fasting and having fun. To me Islam was something I was born into and never thought about.
During teenage years though, I came across the concept of Shi’a. We had people thinking we are Shi’as due to our last name being one. We had cousins of my father’s that were Shi’a. Somewhere in that conversation I gathered that we were not. So what were we?
“Simply Muslim.” That is what Abbu often said. We are what the Prophet was. I didn’t think much about it and living with Abbu I learnt only 2 things: To read the Quran and ponder over its message and to behave like the Prophet.
Going to University opened my eyes some more. The Shi’as said I am one of them. The Sunnis said I am a Wahhabi from Saudi Arabia. They noticed the way I prayed and commented on styles that they assumed were Wahhabi.
I had never heard the term Wahhabi. I had no idea what that meant. In America the new big thing was Sufi. Rumi was popular and even Muslims were thinking they are Sufi. Now what was that? Somehow whirling men in white dresses were the images shown to me and I lost the appeal without really caring what they were.
I knew I was just Muslim. The one that submits to Allah, as the meaning suggests. The follower of Islam that was born with the revelations of God’s words – saved for all time in the Quran – to Mohammed (pbuh). Just Muslim.
No one accepted that. I had to choose something. Relatives said we are Sunni. But the Prophet didn’t say he was that either. He was Muslim.
Then I learnt of the four Imams and hence four schools of thoughts for doing something: Hanafi, Shafi’i, Humbali and Maliki..Which way did I follow? I asked, well didn’t they follow the Prophet? Of course they did but then they all took on different interpretations, I was told.
Huh…That was another layer of confusion. Now I understood why Muslims were always fighting. They wanted to keep dissecting the simple message of God – so simply and not so simply preserved in His own words. Simple for anyone to understand. Not so simple so you can make some effort to ponder over it. They wanted to rely on other humans to tell them how to follow it. They wanted no direct link to Him but rather wanted to blame their shortcomings on an Imam. Huh..indeed!
No I wasn’t going to take the cowards way out. I was going to go to the source. It is for all of mankind. If I was on a desert with this book this book should guide me. And so at some point I started to read it daily with meaning and as I kept finishing and restarting it, I found I could derive deeper meanings and yet I was still at the surface. The depth of this book is for only those that want to dive in but maybe we are not the best of swimmers yet and hence God is keeping people like me still at the surface. I need to take some lessons to swim a bit deeper.
But the amount that I have been able to connect with – that is so profound, that I realized how Shaitan has kept us from it – by making us feel that its a hard book, we are not smart enough to understand it and hence must find some ‘man’ or ‘school of thought’ to attach ourselves to..and hence he divides us and once again conquers us.
I refuse to give in. To me Allah’s book is amazing and to me that is all I need. And He says to worship Him and obey the Prophet, over and over again. To obey the Prophet I must know his ways, found in books of Hadith. If my intentions are pure, which they are, then Allah will show me that path, as often times He has. I just need to be mindful.
But as I started this thought I realized, when our minds are constantly thinking and seeking, we are often alone. And yet yesterday I found something that elevated my heart. I found a profound book: If the Oceans were Ink by Carla Power. It is simply amazing. She goes to learn the Quran from a scholar that teaches in Oxford, UK: Akram Nadwi (quite a popular and notorious man as well for his research on women scholars and leaders).
When Carla cites him as saying that the reason for Muslims being divided is that no one reads the Quran but rather finds a scholar or someone to preach instead, I felt incredibly elevated! I was not alone. I was not crazy. There was a scholar saying the same thing. We don’t need the schools of thoughts. We just need the Quran.
Alhamdulillah. When doubt comes into the mind of a lone person, it is a simple glimpse like this that can make all the difference.
I miss my father. I miss his thoughts. I miss what he taught us all. To be just Muslim. Alhamdulillah.
The Saudi Expat 