Salam Abbu – Yesterday was a good day. I was sure that I have become stronger. The waves were low and the clouds parted from time to time to let in the sunshine. Basically I was distracted.
And then came today : Friday. The day that felt like an event – an important day when you were around. All our lives we have ‘celebrated’ Friday with a commotion of getting ready for Friday prayer. Ammi ironing your clothes – your hair damp from the shower, putting on your itr* and insisting on getting to the mosque before everyone. Trying to secure the first row. Mustafa and Yusuf going with you. The last few years Mustafa would come pick you up and despite your physical disabilities, you never stopped going to the mosque, often going for tahajjud** as well.
When we were young there’d be that 30 minute session going over a small section of the Quran after Friday prayer, asking us to tell you what we learnt from that Ruku’*** that you just read out loud. I often recall Ammi setting lunch while this was going on and you insisting she sits and listen as well. As a teenager I’d be partially paying attention but now that I think about it the habits you instilled, the love of God you displayed, the importance of life led by His laws – they seeped in and were so helpful when I was raising my own children.
Needless to say today was a day of high tide. The waves were high as I missed your presence and the commotion of Friday prayer in the house. I thought of the lessons I have learnt from you and I am going to summarize the few that come to mind:
Treat everyone, including your enemies, with hospitality and respect, as the Prophet (pbuh) did
Respect everyone, even if they are a small child as everyone deserves to be heard and respected
Leave finances to Allah and focus on erasing prejudice, giving and service to others
Be gentle and kind even in the face of disappointment and hurt
Patch relationships and help those that are struggling to patch theirs
Ask only Allah for things and strengthen your faith (aqeedah)
Be curious as Allah instructs in the Quran to ponder over His creation and marvel at His work
Always be learning – never stop and be ready to admit your faults
Always be humble, no matter what you achieve and how others praise you
Never stay stagnant – give your knowledge by teaching it – share your wealth while living simply – be forgiving
After lunch we (Sara,Yusuf and I) went went to meet you. They opened the door and let Sara and I sit on a bench by the door as Yusuf walked to you. Grave # 7. I am used to the green gardens of cemeteries in Canada and this was a stark difference. All sand colored cement blocks with sand in them – each one with a metal number on it. Lots of pigeons around the area where you are resting. I couldn’t believe it. You are there and I am here? I can’t see you? I wanted to wake you up and ask you why you didn’t video call with me when I called you the night before? Why did you not let me see you? How will I ever….anyway…it was just too much today.
I dont want to feel sad. I don’t want anyone to feel sad. But I feel guilty wishing for this. How can I think about you and not want to feel sad at the loss to our lives? This is life…The short life we all have here. Do good and move on. Don’t dwell on the past, it will stall your steps to be productive. We are here to serve Allah and in retrospect humanity. We will all be with you inshAllah soon and I really hope that its a beautiful reunion of our families in our forever home. Ameen.
*itr: oil based perfume with no alcohol
**tahajjud: night time optional prayers
***Ruku: A paragraph of the Quran where it stops before the next one starts
The Saudi Expat 