Behind the wall

Did you see me behind the wall Abbu? I came to visit you. It was after maghrib and that was when Sara asked me if I wanted to visit – so we did. She drives well Abbu. I think its the first time I sat with her. We parked behind the wall where you are resting. Ali and Mustafa had told us the exact location. Women can’t go into graveyards here so that was all we could do.

Did you hear us talk to you? Sara told me not to cry because it would upset you but Abbu, you left without notice. The weeping is not something I can control. Not yet anyway. She then showed me your videos that she recorded recently where you are having a conversation of the soul being in more than one place. You really loved talking about the soul! You mentioned Maryam Phuppis soul doing hajj with the woman she had promised to take to hajj. The woman swore she was with her the entire time until hajj ended, despite being gone a year.

We are all so scared to delve into such topics that can only be theories, most of us not even treading the waters of theory for fear of saying something wrong. But you were brave. You knew that the Creator would welcome your curiosity and as long as your intentions were knowledge and learning, He would forgive your minor mishaps. InshaAllah.

Abbu, did you see me cling to you again on the green chair when I sat and smelled your smell on the fabric? It was you, I could swear it. Your distinct smell when you would walk home from work tired, a mixture of dust and sweat and perfume. It was your smell that hasn’t left that chair despite being washed several times. Or did you come to finally embrace me as I lay in your lap? I am sorry for the tears. Don’t mind them please. I am just missing you a lot.

Be happy wherever you are. And I am sure its not just behind the wall. You are in a beautiful place under the shade of our Creator. Allah have mercy on you.