I am a regular human being, mother of 3 kids who wants to raise God conscious children while bettering myself as well. But as most of us humans, I err and have many weaknesses. One of the major issues I have been having for years has been my fear of crowds. I don’t even attend parties with lots of people. I am more of a one on one person. Anxiety, which builds into stress and causes shortness of breath has been at my side for a few years now. I also cringe at using public bathrooms.
So needless to say, going to hajj was something I had to seriously think about. But the desire to be able to wash my sins and start afresh had been with me for several years and this year when we moved to Saudi Arabia, I did not want to delay the ritual anymore.
My husband and I were fortunate enough to find a group that arranges hajj and has all English speaking volunteers. I was told their arrangements were very clean and comfortable. I guess in my mind I had a picture of a room with a few beds and each room having its own bathroom. Little did I know that what I had waiting would be something totally different.
8th Zulhijjah- the day to leave for MINA Valley
My husband and I took a taxi to the center where all pilgrims were to meet at 7am. We were handed boxed breakfasts and told to wait. There were over 300 men and women all dressed in mostly white and having this joy and anticipation on their faces.
By 7.30 we were called to the large comfortable buses and given our seats. The center had provided us duffel bags, unscented soap and miswak for toothbrush since for 2 days the pilgrims cannot use any kind of scent. There was a powder also for deodorant, also unscented, along with a Quran and some guide books. We packed clothes for 5 days and the bags were given tags which matched the numbers on the tags we were to wear around our necks. I was quite surprised and happy at the promptness of our group for I had been told that nothing happens on time and the buses would not leave until much later. The drive to Mecca is usually no more than an hour but on a busy day such as this when all pilgrims were doing what we were the highways were packed and checkpoints were taking long. I dozed off after a while only wake up around 10 when my husband nudged me to show me the tents lined up in Mina. We were finally here! My heart was full of happiness and gratitude to Allah for giving me this opportunity. The white tops of the tents were prominent as far as the eye could see an indication of the millions performing hajj this year. There were so many more illegal pilgrims like my Indonesian maid and her group that increased the numbers and the traffic. Many people had set up their colorful smaller tents on the sidewalks and intended to stay there. Some had no tents and were sitting on sheets spread out on the sidewalks, the lucky ones under a tree to get shade.
Our bus finally came to street 714 where there were tents on both sides. Many buses were offloading passengers to their camps. We got off and walked into ours. The floor was lined with green grass like carpet. The corridor was long but open aired. On both sides were rooms (tents) lined with single seater sofas that unfolded into beds. Each one had a number that coincided with the tags around our necks. The women had to go into a partition made of a curtain as they were segregated from the men. I said goodbye to my husband and joined the group of women going to the other side into their camps. The African maids were waiting for us with smiles, taking us to our tents based on our tag numbers. As the flap was lifted I saw at least 60 beds/sofas in the room. There was a desert cooler throwing air into the room which was clearly not working to cool. Above the beds they had hung a steel shaft to put our luggage on. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or disappointed. I had come here for God. I was certainly not going to complain. I was grateful to be not one of the ones sleeping in small makeshift tents on the sidewalks I had witnessed on my way over. Alhamdulillah…I said to thank Allah and tried not to think about the people or the heat. I was going to be a good sport for 5 days and hopefully take that attitude back with me! Inshallah, I said, laying the decision on God.
After taking off my abaya and taking off my headscarf I decided to take my unscented soap and discover the bathroom facilities. The ladies of all nationalities were pouring in and walking around to familiarize themselves with the surroundings.
The end of a hallway had the bathrooms. They were tiled but not brand new, therefore cracked. There was one toilet that flushed, one that had no flush as all the ‘goods’ went into a hole and I have no idea where that went! The rest were the squatting kind, 3 one could flush and the 8 or 9 that had the same dark hole where no one knew where anything went. The muslim shower pipes one used to wash themselves with were attached to the wall, thank God! Above each of the squat holes was the head shower. Of course at this point the floor was dry and everything worked. There were sinks on one wall. All open air and sunny. I wasn’t under any misconception of anything better so I thanked God again (which by this time was my mode of survival and feeling all holy) and walked back to my own camp. I passed a tent with new converts from Philippines and Indonesia. There were at least 100 beds in that room. On my left was a corner with buffet facilities which in the 5 days were never empty. They had all types of snacks, drinks and the 3 meals that were served hot.
Back in the tent we all familiarized ourselves with each other. I introduced myself to my Egyptian neighbor who was already coughing and sneezing. I wondered how she would survive the 5 days but her state of Faith was so high that she did so much more and went through a lot more hardship than I ever could. There was a 12 yr old girl, a 14 yr old and one 3 yr old girl who stayed mostly with her dad in his camp. The younger 2 girls were amazing, full of excitement and smiles. I remember the first time at age 15 I went to hajj, I complained about the bathroom so much and did not eat the food for fear of going to the bathrooms and ended up doing the tawaf in a wheelchair! Which by the way my grandfather pushed. Sad! The 2 girls were all smiles during the toughest times in the 5 days. One of them who had come from Switzerland and recently moved to Jeddah said, ‘why would I complain when Allah has given us so much!’ I was so amazed and wondered where I had gone wrong all these years!
This night we all prayed together and did lots of supplications and then went to bed early since the next day was going to be the toughest and the longest, and the main part of Hajj.
Arafat and Muzdalifah (valleys near Mecca) – 9th Zulhajj
Next morning we bathed and changed our Ihram clothes at 5am. After praying Fajr prayers we all gathered outside the tents, men and women, and walked to the new train station a few minutes from camp. Later I found out we were the lucky ones who got to use it as many other camps still had to walk or use the buses which due to traffic took upto 3 hours to get to various close by destinations. I joined up with my husband and we walked in high spirits up the ramp but due to the crowds just getting to the train took a good 45 minutes. The ride on its own to Arafat ground was no more than 8 minutes or so. The announcement to MIND THE GAP brought back memories from the London tube stations
The significance of Arafat: On this day God shows abundance mercy on his believers and sends many souls to heaven forgiving sins and also promising to fulfill all prayers made to Him. This is the day Satan is miserable as he gets upset at all the people being forgiven. The sins of the believer are wiped out and it’s a day of much prayer and begging Allah for all you wish for. The actual time starts after the noon prayer and ends at sunset prayer time.
We found our tent in Arafat where the desert dusty grounds were laid with thick carpet and a huge tent was erected so all the ladies of our camp were divided into one large camp. We had some reverts who were from Finland, Canada and the States and also many other nationalities from all over the world. We all sat down on the carpets hoping to be near some air duct. A desert cooler was blowing air into the tent. There was a tall tree in the middle of the tent with light feathered leaves drying out on it. I had passed by the bathrooms and they were the kind one would expect in a desert where only once a year people gathered. Needless to say, I tried not to think about it.
We were given snacks for breakfast and told to rest as the non-resting time would start after the noon prayer. Many of us prayed for a while, ate and then took a nap with our little purses and pouches acting as pillow among the dust and sand grains that we will be part of when we die.
After prayer time lunch was served. There were women sitting in all corners, inside the tent and outside trying to find privacy as they cried and begged God for their various duas (prayers). Some of us, including myself, had written a list out so as not to forget all the duas people had asked us to do for them. It was a moving experiencing, humbling one and helping all of us to share, tolerate, and love each other for the sake of Allah. We were hopeful that all of our sincerity in our prayers would pay off and we’d be pardoned for our sins and our family and friends would also be able to gain from the duas we did for them.
After sunset maghrib prayers we all headed off to the train station to go to Muzdalifa, another desert area near the mountains where the Prophet Mohammed, p.b.u.h. had rested at night before going back to Mina. He had walked there and due to nightfall had stayed the night and after waking up had gone on with the journey, hence we went there. It was a valley again surrounded by mountains, left unattended. There were little lights coming from the train station and from the moon shining but nothing more. The ground was uneven and unpaved causing the walk to our area difficult and bumpy. Carpets were laid out for us to sit on and if it wasn’t so crowded, to lie on. Other pilgrims of other camps were already sleeping in various areas and one had to be careful not to go over them. Women, children and the elderly are allowed to leave earlier rather than spending the night along with their guardians so after a few hrs our leader decided to walk back to Mina camp, shower and use bathrooms as the 3 bathrooms near our camp were something in small kiddish tents which I am sure no one really wanted to use. We also picked the pebbles, 49 of them, and filled empty water bottles with them, to hit the devil with in the morning. Some people stayed behind due stay the night and go to the Jamarat area to hit the devil in the morning and return to camp. Theirs was a tiring and exhausting experience.
Walking to Mina from there was hard for me and many others who were as unfit as I am, or much older. There was traffic; Hajjis sprawled all over the streets and sidewalks not caring if buses drove over them and the walk was long. We saw men and women sleeping in the craziest places, eating or praying as vehicles honked and made loud noise letting out their black smoke. There was garbage everywhere on the streets and many just sat about not noticing it. Thank God for my husband who held on to my hand and just urged me on until we got back to camp all sticky and sweaty, otherwise I would have just collapsed. I felt so humbled but ashamed of myself when I saw people who were sleeping in all sorts of places without tents or bathroom facilities. There were kids with them and women who were on wheelchairs. The love of Allah brought them to hajj regardless of their conditions even though I could see most could have been easily excused.
Needless to say, I could see how we in our similar clothing and hardships are supposed to be equal in the eyes of Allah despite our financial statuses being different and how in HIS eyes the better one amongst us is the one that is the best in his or her faith /Emaan.
Back at camp we all took showers and washed the dust of the desert off us and slept like babies only to be woken up in a few hrs to go to Jamarat to hit the devil, the largest one who had come to deviate Prophet Ibrahim when he was going to slaughter his son Ismail. * (look at section 2 for the story of Ibrahim)
My Hajj and its lessons 2010- part 2
10th Zulhajj- day one of Eid
Using the train we got there in a few minutes as it was still early and most people would still be at the Muzdalifah sight as not so many come back at night. Approaching the large devil area (a stone wall indicating the location he had come first) I felt a sense of elation. I don’t know why but I had lumps in my throats as I hit the place (symbolic only) and felt wonderful when I was done with my 7 pebbles. The government has made the place in 4 levels and due to that there was no traffic like in previous years and the task was an easy one. This marked the end of Ihram and we went home, trimmed our hair and showered and changed. We could start using regular shampoo and soap and mint toothpaste! I felt like it was really Eid! The maids at camp shook our hands to congratulate us and we all congratulated each other on getting the most important part of hajj out of the way. There was still one more obligation to go through, the tawaf or circumambulation of the Kaaba, called tawaf-e-Ifadah.
Since it was Eid, a time of celebration amidst our supplications we celebrated by mostly relaxing and getting to know some of our neighbors better. We were told that the goat sacrifice that we had paid for was done at the center where the sacrifices were held. Our group leader did some quizzes which were fun and we won prizes; some girls hung up balloons and banners and the men had similar experiences. My husband won a prize and so did I! Our leader gave us a really good talk on why Muslims gather here once a year and its meanings. This is what I really want to share with you as even though I knew the entire story, the reminder was just awesome and moving:
*Prophet Ibrahim – the Intimate friend of Allah
Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) is known as the father of the Prophets. He is the one who first used the word ‘Muslim’ for those who follow one God. As a child he was from a family of idol worshippers, his own father being the maker of those idols. He would question that belief but he did not know what to believe. He saw the stars and wondered if they were God and then rejected this idea when they vanished. The same thing happened to him with the moon and then the sun but as they all vanished he realized that The Creator and Lord is the one who makes these things and has made everything else. He is ONE. So he went back to his people and relayed that message. They laughed at him and ignored him. When one day they were out he destroyed all their idols except the largest one, putting the axe in his hands.
When the tribe returned and saw their ‘gods’ dead, they were very angry and asked who had done this? Ibrahim said, why don’t you ask the biggest one? He might have done it. They said that he is made of stone, he can’t talk! At which point Ibrahim pointed out that one that cannot even talk cannot be a God, can it? At this everyone was enraged and they threw him in a fire to burn him. Angel Jibreel (Gabriel) came and asked if he would like help. To which Ibrahim replied, not from you but from Allah. The fire cooled down and he was free. This was just the beginning of his harsh tests.
After leaving his city he settled elsewhere with his wife Sarah. They were both getting old and had no son to ease their burdens. He kept preaching the message of Allah wherever he went. When he was almost 60 or more he was told he would get a son from his second wife Hajar. After so much prayer and wishes he was astonished that at his age he would get a child. He was then blessed with his first born Ismail from whom the lineage of Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) and the Muslims have come.
Naturally a father who had prayed and longed for a son was overjoyed at this blessing from his God. But then God told him to leave this wife and son in Mecca, a barren valley with no water or crops. He was taken aback, but he could not deny Allah’s order and so without saying a word he took them to Mecca. Upon reaching there he could not bring himself to say anything or look back. He just left them there and started to walk back without a backward glance. Imagine the state of a father who had to leave his infant behind in such harsh surroundings! His wife was confused and alarmed and ran after him to ask him why he was leaving them there. He did not reply. She kept begging and he kept walking with his head down. Then she said, is this Allah’s command? To which he nodded and she said, then it is okay, for He will then take care of us. She also had a strong faith. This was Ibrahim’s 2nd big test from God.
Ibrahim then made a prayer to God to bring fruit and crops to this land so that its people may be grateful to HIM and to bring love in the hearts of men all over to want to come here. We see this prayer being answered each year as thousands save up their life savings and fulfill their desires to come to Mecca.
We know from the Quran how Hajar then ran frantically looking for water for her son who was crying uncontrollably from the heat and thirst. She saw the 2 hills of Safa and Marwa and ran between them 7 times to see if she could see anything. She then came to check up on her son only to see a pool of cold water gushing out from the ground where he had hit his heels as he wailed. Due to a continuous well of water now available, passing tribes came and settled there. Allah had shown HIS mercy and taken care of them for their patience and trust.
Allah blessed his servant and gave Ibrahim another son from his wife Sarah. He was Ishaaq (Isaac) from which the lineage of the Christians and Jews have come.
Ibrahim was provided the special animal Buraq that looked like a horse and could fly to be able to frequently come and visit his son Ismail. (He is the same animal who took Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) on his journey to Palestine and then to the heavens and back). When Ismail was in his 30’s and Ibrahim was in his 90s, Allah asked Ibrahim to make HIM a house in Mecca where people would come to pay respect. Both father and son constructed a rectangular shaped house. Ismail brought the rocks from surrounding mountains while Ibrahim stood on one that got lifted as the construction went higher up. Hence the imprint of his foot on the rock that is encased in the golden vessel in Mecca. He wanted to put a special stone in the corner so he asked his son to go look for something different. All the surrounding rocks were dark like that of the Kaaba and Ismail could not find one that was different. He came back to tell his father this only to find a white shiny rock sitting on the floor. When he asked where it came from Ibrahim said it came from the Angel Jibreel who had brought it from heaven. They secured it in the middle of the corner. The stone has turned black overtime from the sins of all the people who touch it, hence known as the black stone. The Kaaba is now a square because the Meccans later wanted to renovate it. They wanted to only use pure money from ‘halaal’ means even though they were idol worshippers. They could only come up with a certain amount so they made it square and put that half wall to indicate its original width.
That night Ibrahim slept and dreamt for 3 consecutive nights that he had to slaughter his son Ismail. Allah was testing him again. He then took off with his son not telling him of the intent and walked to the prescribed place to slaughter him. Satan decided to try and deviate him by coming in front of him and saying why are you doing this? This is your son. If God loved you would he want you to slaughter him? Ibrahim stoned him 7 times and walked on. Satan became smaller and came again and said the same thing. Ibrahim stoned him again. He came a third time even smaller and got stoned again. At this point Ismail asked his father if Allah had commanded him to slaughter him. Ibrahim said yes. Then you should do as He says, Ismail replied and both walked onwards. When they reached the spot Ismail said, Father you tie your eyes and let me lie face down so our eyes don’t meet lest we become weak in Allah’s command. Ibrahim tied his eyes and took his knife. After saying ‘AllahuAkbar’ (Allah is Greater) he brought the knife down and did his slaughtering. He obviously knew he couldn’t look so as he turned he heard his son who took away the cloth only to show the sheep lying on the floor slaughtered. Allah had tested him once again, the harshest of tests and he had proven his love and devotion by abiding by all of his commands.
This is why he is called Allah’s closest friend and it is because of this journey and his love and devotion we are to perform hajj, so we can be reminded of the importance of Allah, his commands, his love, his Oneness and Ibrahim’s greatness at proving to be the best follower and servant of God.
11th and 12th Zulhajj
These 2 days we went to Jamarat and stoned the devils again. The big, small and medium. It started to rain and thunderstorms along with hail started. Some people were scared of thunder, some were overjoyed at the cool weather and I was guilty because I had prayed for it! But it was wonderful to be cooled down. On the night of the 11th one of my mom’s friends got very ill with migraines and high blood pressure. We took her to the National Guard’s hospital just walking distance and stayed with her daughter and her till late night. She liked me doing reflexology on her so I continued to do that. As I walked back to camp at night the street vendors were relaxing on the sides with their little trinkets. I availed the opportunity and bought my girls and nieces some hand woven baskets and my son some laser light lamp. By the time the streets had become dirty with garbage and it was so much that even though the cleaners were cleaning it was impossible to pick it all up. One had to be very careful about where they stepped. I kept wondering if the toilets that had the mystery holes actually had gutters that carried the goods nearby. Sometimes the whiffs indicated such. I am sure we all felt this but no one said it. No one complained for we were here to see if we go along in even this situation thanking Allah. This made me realize that if we could be cheerful and grateful in these 5 days then it can’t be hard the rest of the year. We give into the weaknesses in us and go back to our ungrateful selves when surely we have so much to be grateful for. In fact just being in such surroundings, sharing it all with everyone who was poor, or rich, educated or not made us all realize how much better lives God had really given us. How often we should reflect on that rather than taking it for granted and how we are all humans who come from various backgrounds and should not distinguish based on that. Here we were meeting due to one thing in common: we all loved God. We could meet all year long for the same reason, couldn’t we?
On the 12th the buses came to get the various groups going to Jeddah, to Mecca and then Jeddah and to other cities of Saudi Arabia. Due to the traffic no doubt it was slow and more patience was needed. I was sad at finishing hajj but relieved that the one thing we had to do was done. It was a burden on the conscience now to keep that sheet that was wiped clean and made me pure of sin (inshallah) in impeccable order. I am more aware now of what I say, what I watch etc..not wanting to dirty that clean white sheet with spots. May Allah help me and all those who performed hajj.
The Saudi Expat 